There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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