Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
