i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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