This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
