You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
