Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
