how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
