drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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