if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
