More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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