just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
