the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
