my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize