they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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