you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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