i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
