Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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