you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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