He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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