Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
