those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
