dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
