im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
