Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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