Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
