So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you never un-have a 4some
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
