a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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