why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
