worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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