Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
