can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
