He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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