I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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