I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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