Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I intend to get homeless drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
