This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
