Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
