Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
