He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
