perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
