Jerry, you need to find god
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
