Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
