I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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