so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize