Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
