I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
