I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
