is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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