Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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