I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
