rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
