Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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