I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
