dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
