my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
