you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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