So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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