Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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