Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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