ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
