Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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