she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
