Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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