I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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