I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
