Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
