just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
