Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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