K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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