So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
