Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
