i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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