erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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