We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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