do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I skipped work to stalk him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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