he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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