So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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