She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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