I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
