I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
