I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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