I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
