im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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