I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish they made helmets for livers.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
