Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
