why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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