Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
