K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
