You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
