I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
