i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
